I haven't been publishing my writing lately but I've filled up an entire 300 page journal since October with 'stuff.' There's something about this, my 38th year, that's making me extremely reflective.
So here's some of what I've been thinking about lately:
1. Starting an art journal is a delicious thing. Pulling out my markers and watercolors and glue sticks and photographs, taps into a creative side of me that I've been hiding for awhile... and she's been missed. I always gave all creativity credit to the rest of my family but guess what? I've got a touch of the trait myself... huh. Who knew?
2. Looking through the lens of my camera feels good again, too. Seeing the world through the small square vision provided by an actual camera (not the camera on my phone), reminds me of the beauty of lines and color and shading and distance. Combining #1 with #2 is a most delicious cocktail.
3. Did you know that you're not supposed to feel like crap every time you eat? Huh. I'll be damned. It's taken me 38 years (38 YEARS!!!!!!) to figure out that what I eat is totally, 100% connected to how I feel, look, and behave. And because of this, I'm going through a terrible break-up with cheese, milk, and gluten. It's horrific. For now. I anticipate looking back on our relationship fondly while I thank my tummy and my skin for showing me my true loves. But right now, I'm grieving. And cheating.
4. There should not be any guilt for doing nothing. This, too, has taken me YEARS to learn. I have not sat and done NOTHING for a very, very, very long time--because it made me feel guilty. And stressed. And I'd run over to my work or my email or stupid Facebook or the TV or... rather than just sitting through it. Hence, I'm also learning to breathe. Again. And take in the world without a screen in front of my face.
5. Gratitude. I've always been a gratitude kind of gal but lately I've amped it up a bit. I'm REALLY stopping to be grateful for that coffee mug I love so much, the ability to walk into a grocery store and have an entire aisle of options when it comes to paper towels, new shoes that make my feet feel pampered, the way that Lucy lays her head in my lap when I'm sitting on the couch, how the sun peeks in our bedroom window in the morning, exploring my new neighborhood by foot... ALL of it. Even better? I'm snapping pictures of those things. (See #1 and #2 above.)
So there you have it. Thanks for missing me.