13 Families.

I was part of something incredible this evening.  I attended the premiere of the documentary 13 Families: Life After Columbine.

To me, like so many of my friends, April 20, 1999 was a defining moment in my life.  I was in a new state (Colorado), starting a new career (teaching), and Columbine rocked me to my core. Like so many others, I can name exactly where I was when I heard the news, recall exactly where I watched the scene unfold on TV, and describe exactly how I felt returning to my own classroom the following day, attempting to console my fragile students while I was unsure of how to regain control of my own nerves and grief. I remember the lingering pain, the incessant media coverage, the connections to the community, and the threats that spread like a disease across so many of our schools.  I remember undercover cops roaming the halls of my own school, meant to make us feel safe.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I read the books, I followed the coverage, I reflected on what I would have done if I had been there.  I doubted myself and my courage and I made promises to my students that I wasn't sure I could keep. I do not forget.  I will not forget. I still struggle to get through April 20th, although the pain is more subdued these days. 

Tonight was the first showing of this documentary and I felt called to be there.  I attended alone. I did not expect to see the families of the victims pour into the theater followed by the principal--a man that us locals (and perhaps the entire nation) know by sight--and by heart. I felt anxious and jittery before the film even started. There was a hush in the theater and I felt as though perhaps I was invading.

And then the movie started.

The tears started within the first minute of the movie and I wondered if I would be able to hold it together for the next 90 minutes.  Then I realized that we were all crying. The giant man to my left. The elderly woman to my right. We were all in this moment together--brought back to exactly where we were nearly 12 years ago and we all cried--together. 

The movie was beautiful.  It was raw and real and... important.  The movie is the story of the families that the media did not capture.  The stories of pain and healing and life after the cameras go away and what it's like to live with a permanent broken heart. I beg everyone to see it. We all watched the media coverage when it was inappropriate and invasive--please watch this story that was told with permission and grace.

After the film the families and filmmakers were invited to the front of the theater. Five families were there and these brave people spoke with honesty and pride as they shared their endorsement of this film. They explained that the filmmakers had become part of their families and that this film is exactly as they hoped, expected, and wanted it to be. The filmmakers were humble and respectful and I felt honored--so very, very honored--to be a part of this important moment. 

What I didn't expect was how I felt on my drive home.  I turned off the radio because my thoughts were too loud to hear anything else. And what I discovered is that by watching this film, my own broken heart had been healed. Seeing these families and knowing that for the most part, they were ok, somehow worked to heal me. This certainly isn't about me, I realize, but I also believe that for those of us who felt close to what happened--even from a distance--the pain lingers in us still. And while we will all be forever affected and changed and the images will always be burned into our souls, I feel a peace and perhaps a tiny bit of closure after watching tonight's film. 

If you don't think you can watch this movie because it will be too painful, I urge you to change your mind. Yes, the film is painful to watch but it deserves your attention. It is important.  

I have only been home for thirty minutes and so my thoughts are still finding their place in my brain and my heart and I imagine that many, many conversations will continue now that this film is out in the Denver area for the next 30 days. I am sure that I will return to this subject... and I invite you to share your own thoughts here.

One of the quotes from the film that is haunting me is about how one misses 'ordinary days' when you lose a loved one... My goal is to not let the 'ordinary' go unnoticed. 

 

Comments

[Tina H. Boogren]

Thank you for your beautiful post, Kim.

[Kim]

Thank you for bloging about this amazing documentary. My brother is one of the producers of this film. And though I am obviously a very proud sister, I am also a parent who, like you, took away the importance of appreciating life's ordinary moments. @Katie - I live in AZ too and believe this documentary would help the people of Tucson heal. I hope you'll have the opportunity to see it.

[Tina H. Boogren]

Steve, thank you for reading and for creating such a beautiful project. You are amazing.

[steve field]

Tina- Thanks for these words. We are very proud of this documentary. I am honored to have worked on this film. I hope it touches many lives.

[Tina H. Boogren]

Katherine, I appreciate so deeply your comments to my post. Thank you for your words and for reminding us to take time today (and everyday) to remember and to honor. I would love to hear your thoughts after viewing the film this weekend. Take care of you. Tina

[Katherine Zimpfer]

Thanks for sharing how this documentary effected you. I plan to see this film this weekend and no it will be extremely emotional having had family at Columbine during the tradgedy, knowing some of the families of the victims, hearing Columbine teachers recount their where abouts of that day as well as numerous students and later graduating from Columbine my self. I look forward to see how the families grew and coped with such tragedy. I also find it important for us to remember the events of April 20th but see what has blossomed out of such tragedy. I also feel living in Littleton that the further away we get from that tragic day many people let a day of rememberance and lessons learn fall into our regular daily routines. Though we never forget we still need to come together as a community to remember those that lost their lifes. I remember the fences full of flowers around Columbine shortly after the tragedy and only hope that when I pay my respect to the memorial tomorrow there are cards flowers and offerings to honor those lost.

I also hope the producers will release the documentary nationwide as Columbines tragedy touched everyone and wants to see the healing and peace the families have made in 12 years. I'd also like to see it released on DVD with proceeds going to the memorial found. Columbine changed the nation and we all need this healing.

I hope all who have a chance to see the documentary will.

God bless you all! Columbine is in my heart and will never be forgotten. Once a rebel always a rebel!

[Tina H. Boogren]

Thanks for all the comments, Friends. I had more hits on this post than I've had on any other. Important stuff.

And Dad, you and Mom taught me to enjoy the 'ordinary' days... I am so grateful for that.

[Robert Humphrey]

Great blog. The movie is definitely on our 'to do' list. Enjoy the 'ordinary' is truly a life lesson.

[Colleen]

Thank you for sharing your thinking about this movie. I love the idea of appreciating the ordinary. Even without having see the movie, this will stick with me and will surely be a writing prompt for my students as well!

[Carolee]

Thank you for sharing your experience so beautifully. We are all connected at the heart.

[Tina H. Boogren]

Thank you for your comments... It's important to keep this dialogue going. Enjoy an ordinary day...
T

[Robin]

Beautifully written. I will watch, and listen, and learn.

Thank you.
R

[Katie]

What an excellent blog! I appreciate the way you are able to articulate your feelings of that day. I'm in Tucson, and we've recently had our own version of that sort of tragedy, and it's such a different feeling when it's happening around you, rather than just watching it on TV. I'm not sure I'd be able to get through this movie, quite honestly.